She's Out of Control!

To say that I have been in sort of a slump would be a drastic understatement. I just haven't felt like myself lately. I haven't had those same desires to do things like I did before. Is it COVID? Is it menopause? Is it lack of effort? Maybe it is all of the above?! Well, I have been struggling to "figure it out" in the past few months when I realized that what I should have been doing is going to God. Sometimes because I feel so efficient, self-sufficient and self-reliant that I somehow forget to go to the creator, you know the ONE who is REALLY in control! Yes, I am one of THOSE people who thinks I can fix everything and everyone and that I somehow have a say in it all! But guess what happens, the more I try to be in control is when I am painfully aware of just how out of control I truly am. If you were to sit down and make a list of all of the things that you or what you feel others expect from you on a daily basis I am sure the list would be quite long for most of us. How overwhelming and daunting to look at a list of expectations that you may or may not be living up to! I want you to try it. Make the list. Not because I want to see you feel overwhelemd or defeated but it is because there is another list that you should compare it to and I promise you will feel so much better about yourself if you do. I am going to be very vulnerable and share my list with you and then God's list of what He expects from you on a daily basis. Ok, no judging, here goes. My list of expectations that I put upon myself; be cheerful, be ready to solve everyone's problems (or act like you can), look attractive (you never know when your husband might decide he doesn't like what he sees anymore), say yes to helping everyone (you don't want others to think you are selfish), make daily sacrifices so that others will be happy, even if it causes you unhappiness, eat healthy, go ahead eat that chocolate-you deserve it, just go ahead and do those chores at home (it's easier to do them yourself then to hear anyone complain about you asking them to help, right?), be the best mother, be the best daughter, be the best wife, (even if you lose yourself), don't show your weakness, hide your true feelings, make others think you have it all together, please people. That was harder to write than I thought it would be, but I encourage you to do the same. Once I read through my list I had to laugh outloud because I must think I am some type of super human-no wonder I feel so exhausted and defeated when I fall into bed each night! Are you ready for the good news? Are you ready to see God's list of His expectations? Before I share that with you I want to share with you an excerpt from one of my daily devotionals; "When you project yourself into the future, rehearsing what you will do or say, you are seeking to be self-sufficient: to be adequate without My help. This is a subtle sin-so common that it usually slips by unnoticed. Don't divide your life into things you can do by yourself and things that require My help. Instead, learn to rely on Me in every situation." (Jesus Calling, Sarah Young) Now, here is God's list of what He expects from you-0. That's right, 0. You read that right, zero. God doesn't EXPECT anything from us except our devotion and committment to rely on Him for EVERYTHING! Don't do what I do and only go to Him with the "big stuff" in your life, He cares about all of it. Psalm 37:3-6 says, "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." Here is what I pulled out from this verse; 1. Trust in the Lord and do good, 2. Delight yourself in the Lord, 3. Commit your way to the Lord. If you are a list maker like me and you need to see something written down as a guideline to follow in your life than I would encourage you to write this list down. I would much rather wake up everyone morning with these three things on my mind and in my heart than all of the other expectations I have been putting onto myself! Learning to let God be at the center of everything in my life is a daily decision I make. Some days I do better with it than others and that's ok because I know that God is still there for me even if I don't get to check anything on a list. He will never leave me or forsake me. I need to cling to that most days just in order to get through, and that's ok too. Being vulnerable has never been an easy thing for me to appear as to others. I am trying each day to let down my guard and allow others to see the "real me." (look out everyone;) God is truly the only one whose approval, guidance and reassurance that I need. It is a daily battle. It is not easy. It is a lifelong journey in faith. But I know that if I can train my mind into realizing that I need God at every turn and every moment of my life I will be less competent in myself and more reliant upon Him. That is all he asks of any of us. Many blessings on your journey and realizing that you are enough.