The S-I-N of Discontentment

If you have ever been around small children and you needed to say something to another person that you didn't want a child to hear you have probably spelled out the words. "Hey honey, do you want to go to the i-c-e c-r-e-a-m place later?" or "I think we will head to D-i-s-n-e-y next year, what do you think?" Now, this can only work for a short period of time. Most children begin learning to spell by the age of five or six, sometimes sooner if you have a genius for a child! I have older children now so spelling doesn't work, but I still use it around my dogs. "I might go on a w-a-l-k later, do you want to go with me?" It is pretty funny how some words just feel more secretive or ominous when we spell them out. I probably committed writers suicide by even using the word Sin in my title, whether I spelled it out or not. Adults and children alike do not like to talk about or even listen to a sermon on sin, am I right?! I mean how many of us would attend a church whose billboard always said something about sin?? For example; "Come see us this Sunday and find out why you are a Sinner!" or maybe "Think it's hot outside?! Come on in and find out how much hotter you will be if you don't stop sinning!" Ok, last one...."Do you know what S-I-N looks like?! Come on in inside and we will show you!" (All pews are provided with mirrors instead of Bibles) I don't think that any church who used these phrases to "entice" people to come into their sanctuary would collect anything but lint in their offering plates on Sunday morning-do you?? Thankfully there are more churches that do not use those scare tactics than those that do in order to share the Word of God on Sunday mornings. But what about S-I-N? We still need to talk about it and address it. I am a sinner and I have sinned. I am not ashamed to type this, however it does give me an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach to do so. I have come to realize that all of us "fall short of the glory of God" every single day. I am not writing this to make anyone feel bad about themselves, in fact this should put your heart and your mind at ease. Knowing that everyone is a sinner is a comfort. The blessing in this realization is that we all have the gift of grace and forgiveness and it is F-R-E-E! This past month has been a big lesson for me in facing the sin of discontentment. I feel very lucky and blessed in my life. Even though I know that; it doesn't mean that I am just totally secure and content with every part of my life. I am currently a teacher. I currently have a job. I have been working for 27 years of my life and I have had over 13 different "careers". Wow! When I figure it out on paper and see it written in that way it is very eye opening. So, what does this say about me as a person? I was never fired or let go from any position that I held. I always left voluntarily. My reasons for leaving always varied. Most of the time I left because I told myself I was moving on to something "bigger and better" or that it would be "better for my family" or even "better for me financially" and this is one reason that I have used too many times; "I think this is what God wants me to do." Now, really none of these reasons are bad reasons for moving on to another type of employment, but were they valid reasons or just a smoke screen for my discontentment? If only I worked this job, I would be truly content. If only I weighed this much, I would be truly content. If only I had this relationship, I would be truly content. Yes, all of those things are thoughts that have been in my own mind more than I care to admit. I am guilty of the sin of discontentment. That is not an easy thing for me to admit, because I do have so many blessings in my life. I have a good job, a husband that is a good provider, two healthy beautiful children, a home to live in and a God that I can freely serve. I should feel guilty. So, why do I feel discontent? I wish I knew. I wish I could say that I prayed and prayed about this and God told me the answer to fix my feelings of discontentment, but I can't. I am a work in progress and I will never pretend to be perfect. I have so much I need to learn. This morning as I was journalling, even before I opened my bible, God was speaking to me. I was writing down that I knew that some of my friends were angry about unanswered prayers, prayers that they had spoken on my behalf to ask you to give me what it was I wanted and what they wanted for me. I sat there a moment with tears in my eyes and thought I don't feel anger anymore, just disappointment. Disappointment in myself for allowing this pattern of discontentment to reign over me and my life choices. It is easy to say I want "Gods' will" for my life, but to actually surrender total control and then "walk the walk" of faith and not just "talk the talk" is one of the most challenging things I feel that I will ever face. Maybe you have had those same feelings of wanting to do God's will but not knowing what it is? I think that I have been asking that question for too long but ignoring His answers because it wasn't what I wanted to hear. So I have decided to stop asking God what it is He wants me to do with my life and just keep on the path that I am on. I think that I get so caught up in worrying if I am doing Gods' will that I miss out on what is gong on around me. Living a faithful life and working the job that I have been given and loving the husband that I am married to and raising the children that I have been blessed with I think is what Gods will for me is at this time in my life. Staying happy and content in this world is not easy. Trying to find blessings in the midst of disappointments is not easy. Life is hard. Sometimes the words we have to learn how to spell out for ourselves in life is even harder. But if we (I) can keep our eyes focused on Him, then the only word that we will ever need to know how to spell is J-E-S-U-S because he is God's son and he is the one who gives forgiveness and grace through the Father and through him we can know God's will for our lives. Here are a few verses on contentment. "Wait and trust the Lord. Don’t be upset when others get rich or when someone else’s plans succeed. Don’t get angry. Don’t be upset; it only leads to trouble." Psalm 37:7-8 "Serving God does make us very rich, if we are satisfied with what we have." 1 Timothy 6:6 Blessings-Nicole