Expect the Unexpected

Most nights when I crawl into bed I expect to get a full nights sleep. Don't we all? Well, let's just say that what I am expecting to receive and what I am actually receiving are two very different things. Lately, I feel like my sleeping pattern, or the lack thereof could become a book with the title of one of my favorite books, "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens. Only my title would be slightly different, "Great Expectations....peaceful slumber or periods of pondering?" You see I can't seem to turn my thoughts off at night. It isn't that I worry about things beyond my control....most of the time. It isn't that I am trying to reconstruct how I will have my classroom set up for this school year....most of the time. And it isn't that I am going over my list of "to dos" for the next day, week , month, etc....most of the time. You see, it is a culmination of them all! I pray that I will be blessed with a good night's sleep, but then my brain turns on and the thoughts start flooding my mind. I always thought that it would be really nice if during that time God revealed some great ancient wisdom or secret to Christianity to me and I could write about it, but the only thing I can say about my periods of nighttime wonder is that I am pretty sure I am going to put my desks into groups of 3 or 4 in my classroom this year. Not exactly the revelation I was hoping for! I woke up tired, frustrated with myself for allowing my thoughts to rule my night once again and as I sat to read my daily devotion I even thought to myself, "I already know what today's devotion is about because I glanced at it yesterday. It was titled "Finding Joy." Well, I probably need to read that." I was expecting to open up my devotional and read an enlightening passage on finding joy and being full of joy, etc... But guess what? I didn't. I opened my devotional to where the book mark was placed and it did not say "Finding Joy", instead I read one word, "Trust." I thought to myself, "That's weird! I could have sworn it was about joy. Oh well, I guess I will just read this one instead." Have you ever been expecting someone to give you a specific gift? Maybe you hinted around for months that this one item is the gift that you desired the most? Then the day comes when you are going to be receiving gifts. Maybe it's your birthday, or Christmas or an anniversary, and the gift is put in front of you and you not only have the anticipation of how you are going to feel once you open this gift but also the expectation of what is inside? The time has come. You open the gift and instead of getting what you expected to get.....it is something totally unexpected. This is not necessarily a bad thing, most of the time, but it just isn't what you expected you would be getting. So you accept the gift graciously and move on with your life. These were similar to my thoughts as I opened my devotional today expecting to read something about Finding Joy, but then what I read was so much more than what I ever expected it to be. I began reading my devotion still unaware of the content until I read it a second time and even a third time (I'm a slow learner!) The phrase that struck me was this, "The main culprit is your mind's ravenous appetite for understanding, fueled by a strong desire to feel in control of your life. You want to trust Me(GOD) wholeheartedly, but you feel stuck." MIND BLOWN! So, wait this issue I have with letting these thoughts rule my night instead of peaceful sleep is a trust issue with God???? Yep! I am a person who likes to understand things and I am also a person who likes to control things. My thinking has always been that if I am in control of everything than the outcome, whether good or bad, can only be blamed on me. I would rather be unhappy with myself then unhappy with someone else. Control is a hard thing to give up. Believe me I struggle with this in my walk with Christ every single day! I just never thought that me not sleeping because I couldn't stop thinking was control or trust issue with God?! So, as I read this devotion for the third time God revealed to me that it isn't my job to understand everything that is going on around me, nor is it my job to try to figure out how to "fix" it all either. My job and my desire should be to trust in Him, about EVERYTHING! Another line from this devotion states, "The Holy Spirit will help you think trusting thoughts, but He requires your cooperation. Instead of relying on your own understanding to help you fell in control, ask My Spirit to control your mind." This devotion is not what I expected, it is what I needed. My expectations of people, gifts, plans may not always turn out to be what I wanted or what I thought I needed, but if I am fully putting my faith and confidence in God and the Holy Spirit then I will get far more than what I ever expected to! "Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 AMP Blessings, Nicole PS-My devotional is called Jesus Lives by Sarah Young